Well, I’m not normally one to get all unreasonably hyper about waking up on Christmas morning and ripping wrapping paper asunder to uncover the goodies hidden beneath, but this year I’m hoping for something very special. It’s the Special Edition, Extended version of my Life.

Yes, that right. It includes a directors commentary - I can listen in on all the creative insights that go into my daily actions - a deleted scenes feature - most probably showcasing all the brilliantly hilarious things I do when drunk and then subsequently don’t remember - and most importantly, an extra 1 year, 43 days and 7 minutes worth of extra footage. Most of this is stuff that didn’t make the final cut, like my numerous exciting adventures to, in no specific order, the Moon, Egypt, Alpha Centauri and the Swindon branch of Woolworths, my numerous exotic girlfriends and most interestingly, the time I ended up posing as a Columbian drug baron intent on world domination for three weeks to win a bet.

I wouldn’t reccomend the standard edition. It gets fairly tedious after a while.