I’ll hunt you down. And feed you cake

You awaken groggily from a long sleep. For a moment you are unsure where you are then your head clears. You are in a damp cellar. To the north you see iron bars set into a thick stone wall. To the east, you see a metal chamber pot filled with daisies. To the south, you see a crazy old bearded man holding a dead finch. Your hands smell of raspberries and you have the strange feeling you’ve been here before. What do you do?

> TALK TO OLD MAN

The old man responds by jabbering away noisily in a confused and possibly ancient tongue. He hurls the dead finch at you which bounces ineffectually against your forehead

> PICK UP FINCH

You pick up the dead finch and stuff it in your pocket.

> N

You walk north a bit. You smash into a wall and break your nose. It starts to bleed mightily. What do you do now?

> USE FINCH

You use the dead finch to mop up some of the blood. The bleeding continues. What do you do now?

> USE MAN BEARD

You rip off a chunk of the man’s beard and stuff it up your nose. This stems the flow of blood. The man is angry now, and looks violent.

> CALM THE MAN WITH TALES OF THE SEA

You tell the old man tales of the sea. This seems to cause his anger to recede

> USE MAN BEARD

You rip off another chunk of the man’s beard for no reason this time. This makes the man even angrier.

> USE FINCH WITH MAN

You thrust the dead, bloodied finch at the man. It strikes him mightily upon the chin. Now he begins to fume and rage. You think he might now try and kill you

> CALM THE MAN WITH TALES OF THE SEA

It doesn’t work. He’s heard it all before

> CALM THE MAN WITH TALES OF INTRIGUE AND MYSTERY

For a moment, the man’s anger recedes and you feel safer. But then the story veers to one involving a dead finch. The man remembers what you did to him and lashes out, striking you mightily and knocking you to the ground.

> USE MAN BEARD

You rip another chunk of the man’s beard off. This time, he just stands there weeping silently to himself, his chin bleeding softly.

> USE MAN BEARD

There is no more beard to rip off the man’s face. You swipe ineffectually at his wounded face.

> S

You walk south a bit. The chamber pot full of daisies kills you. Start Again?

> HELL NO

Oh dear lord!