Get in touch with me about anything whatsoever. Except if you want me to paint your house. I don’t do that. No goddamn way. Unless you pay me three hundred thousand billion pounds to do it. Then I might consider it vaguely.

I had an email contact form here, but spammers were spamming it up with their shitty, worthless messages. If you’re a spammer yourself, and are thinking of spamming me, heed these wise words - “You may be anonymous, you may be able to fill up my inbox with generic advertisements for viagra and whatever other mindless service you are peddling, but know that whoever you are, you are the sole intended recipient of the thoughts that form within my mind whenever I read your poorly constructed sentences - ‘You are a silly, worthless bastard’”

The rest of you, to anyone who isn’t a spammer, I love you all, in the way only an anonymous webmaster can. Cakes and tea for all. Hurrah!

That is all.